Grinding Up The Grouse Grind

See how we look so happy? That's because the Grouse Grind is like childbirth: you always forget how bad it really is until you're right into the thick of things.

I don’t know what possessed me to check my phone the other night when my good friend Lori texted me.  I was minding my own business reading and enjoying my second glass of wine of the evening. All was calm and peaceful and lazy…

…and then my phone beeped and there was Lori’s text beckoning me.  Always happy to hear from a friend, I read her message, which went something like: “Grouse Grind tomorrow morning, you in?”

And silly me, I texted back something like, “I guess if I stop drinking now, I’m in.  OK, sure!”

Yes, silly me.  We all know that two glasses of wine are enough to impair one’s judgment.

Silly me, because I have a passionate love / hate relationship with the Grouse Grind.

Mostly, I hate it.

Scratch that, I always hate it.

Let me put it this way. The Grouse Grind is the place you take your least-favorite or most arrogant out-of-town relatives when you want to punish them for taking over your house.  Or where you take your evil boss on a bet.  Or your kids when they’re bad (wait, I’m just joking on that one….mostly.)

“The popular Grouse Grind® is a 2.9-kilometre trail up the face of Grouse Mountain, commonly referred to by Vancouverites as ‘Mother Nature’s Stairmaster.’”

That’s right, it’s only about 3k long (that’s like less than 2 miles) but I hate it more – much more – than say, the last 18 mile run I did.

Why?

Because it is STRAIGHT. UP. GROUSE. MOUNTAIN.

-Grouse Grind elevation gain: 853 metres / 2,800 feet (yeah, you read that right.)
- Total Stairs: 2,830 (yeah, that too.)

Lori is way too happy. I, however, was not. Which is why she is pictured and not me.

Uh, you’d have to be crazy, right?  Well, I guess I got my “Crazy Legs” nickname honestly, because I keep going back for more punishment.  And punishment it is, as my legs and butt always feel like hamburger after.  Hamburger that’s been eaten, chewed up…and well, you get the point.

But we did it.  Again.  In my case, hating every step, while Lori kept saying, “this isn’t as bad as I thought”.  She’s lucky I didn’t push her right off the mountain, but she’s scared of heights and never went close enough to the edge for me to give her a good shove.  Anyway, I really like Lori, even though she has bad judgment about texting me while I’m drinking my nightcap.

(note to other Crazy People:  I heard on the radio today that some guy did the Grouse Grind 14 times yesterday. In one day.  Beating the previous record of 13.  What would drive a person to such crazy lengths? …He’s raising money for charity.  Way to go! …and I hope you have a good massage therapist. And medical. And a wheelchair.)

And the best part of the whole trip…?

View of downtown Vancouver as you ride down the Grouse Mountain Gondola. Worth the hike up? Almost...

When you get all the way to the top, they only charge $5.00 for the Gondola ride down (round trip is much, much more – lazy people pay through the nose).

And the view of beautiful Vancouver – almost – makes it worth it.

Almost.