But now the battle begins. And no, we’re not talking about the sleepless nights and the poopy diapers and the need for giant post-natal underwear. We are talking about that $3 million contract Papa Simpson negotiated with Weight Watchers in December. Jessica, it’s time to hit the treadmill. There is no room for maternity leave OR mom jeans when you are employed by Simpson Family Inc.
“The Price of Beauty,” indeed.
(Yes, I am the only person in America who actually watched that show. I could say it was work related but let’s be honest, I’ll watch anything Jessica Simpson does on TV. The woman has no filter and that is reality TV gold.)
While it seems cruel and unusual to burden a new mother with the additional pressure of losing her baby weight so publicly, we look forward to seeing Jess handle it with her usual charmingly Southern aplomb: “No more fried Twinkies, y’all! My Daisy Dukes are waiting!”
Anyway, there’s no shame in being on Weight Watchers in our weight-obsessed culture. Jennifer Hudson looks amazing. Valerie Bertinelli put her 20-year-old self to shame in that green bikini on the cover of People. And Mariah Carey, of all people, created a pop culture “moment” (as she likes to say) with those crazy skin-baring Jenny — that’s Jenny Craig for you old-schoolers — commercials she did after giving birth to her twins. Red spandex pants aside, Mariah looks fantastic.
We can only imagine what Joe Simpson is cooking up for Jessica’s Big Reveal, but we’ll be along for the ride (what, no reality show?!). And besides that $3 million, there’s another pretty good motivator at stake: First comes love, then comes baby, and then comes the bride.
I think we should just lay off Jessica and let her enjoy her new baby. The weight will come off in time, not over night. What do you think?
Source: Today’s News